We Want to “Be”, Not “Get”
A few years ago, I decided that it was time to drop some of the excess weight I had gained over the years. I’ve never been much of a runner, and so I thought I’d try one of those “Couch to 5k” training programs. We had just bought a treadmill, and so I thought I’d put it to good use.
At this point in the story, you would expect that I begin telling you about my highly successful plan to get back into shape; how I dropped 50 pounds; how I ran my first marathon this past weekend. You’re probably already sick at the thought of the “26.2” sticker in the back window of my minivan. Well… that’s not how this story goes.
The training program was hard. After a couple weeks, I wasn’t seeing a lot of progress, and then, one afternoon, I slipped when I was going down the stairs to the basement. I hit my heel pretty hard, and started having a hard time walking. I was already dealing with some plantar fasciitis in that foot, but hitting my heel that hard sent things to another level.
It was painful to walk. It hurt to get out of bed in the morning and put weight on it for the first time. After a couple months, I finally went to see a specialist. After doing a couple x-rays, it was discovered that I had a bone spur in my heel. I looked like the end of a fishing hook, and it was poking into my Achilles tendon.
I got some heel inserts to wear in my shoes, and I’ve been dealing with heel pain for the last 8 years. In that time, I started playing softball once again after a 4 year hiatus (for lack of options, not desire), but I had to move to first base instead of roaming the outfield like I had for so long. I’ve also seen a specialist again, went through some physical therapy, and spent countless mornings seriously contemplating surgery (they would have to cut my Achilles to shave down the bone spur, so I’m not quite ready to go there, but there were some mornings when I thought that might hurt less).
Here’s the real problem that I’m facing right now: I want to be in shape; I don’t want to get in shape.
You see, I know that working out is going to require some investment in myself. I know that I need to be doing cardio, stretching (especially my heel), and weight lifting if I want to start losing some of this weight that I’ve gained since I graduated from seminary. I know that I need to be eating better, turn off the television, be more active. I know all those things. I just don’t do them.
At times, there is a wide gap between knowledge and execution, and more often than not, bridging that gap is the most difficult part of anything that we want to accomplish. Let’s face it, most people are intelligent enough to figure out what they need to do, but finding the motivation is something else altogether. We all want to be, and not get, in one way or another.
We want to be financially stable, but we don’t want to do the hard work of getting there.
We want to be at the top of our physical game, but we don’t want to put in the time at the gym (or wherever else you get your workout in), or that fast food is just so much easier than cooking a healthy meal.
We want to be in a great relationship, but we don’t want to put in the necessary work — either in the relationship or in ourselves (it’s difficult to have a great relationship if you have unresolved issues with yourself).
So, how do we overcome this hurdle? How do we move from where we are to where we want to be?
A Clear Destination
“Alice asked the Cheshire Cat, who was sitting in a tree, “What road do I take?”
The cat asked, “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” Alice answered.
“Then,” said the cat, “it really doesn’t matter, does it?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland
If you don’t know where you want to go, then it doesn’t matter what road you take. It’s a simple principle, but one that we often take for granted. Think about it: when you enter a destination into your GPS, you need to know where that destination is. Only then can you get directions. Life is the same way. If you want to get somewhere in life, you need an idea of where it is that you want to go. Once you have that clear picture, you can begin the journey.
First Steps
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
— Lao Tzu
The first step is often the most difficult. There are things in life that should motivate us to change our patterns — the birth of a child, a significant health scare, major transitions. But, often times, we convince ourselves that we are too busy to do anything different, and so we keep on with our bad habits. We have to be willing to take that first step. It requires courage, strength, boldness, and too often we lack the confidence in ourselves to do it. But we must.
Persevere
Behind that first step has to be resolve, determination, and perseverance. We need to begin the journey with purpose. Without a sense of purpose that drives us forward that first step can be taken a thousand times without actually getting us anywhere. Our purpose keeps us focused, and the first step leads to the second, and third, etc., etc., etc.
I know that it can be difficult to find the motivation to maintain a way of living that will help us get to where we want to go. There will be some days when the motivation is totally lacking. Those are the days when we simply need some grit, the determination to keep moving in spite of the obstacles that we have placed in front of us.
In the end, we can’t just wave a magic wand and end up where we want to be. There is no being, only getting. Every step along the way, we can push forward and draw closer to the person that we picture for ourselves.
But, let me say this, even if you are frustrated by your lack of effort towards some of these goals, even if you don’t have goals that you are working on at all, you need to know: you are enough. My goal here is not to further exacerbate any of your self-inflicted psychological misgivings. This is not about beating up on yourself and trying to make yourself better. It’s about getting to where you want to be, but you also need to know that you are not deficient in some way. You don’t need to “get better” because you aren’t good enough. This journey is about you, and believing in yourself along the way. So, stop dreaming about being, and get to getting!
