The Different Stages of Bedtime
Bedtime is quite an event at my house. As of right now, I have an almost 2 year old who loves to sleep, and a 3.5 year old that doesn’t. My wife and I alternate whose bedtime we do. So, each night, one of us gets the difficult one, one gets the easy one. It works… usually.
When we moved to our new house 18 months ago, our daughter was not comfortable in her new surroundings, and so, we let her sleep in our bed for the first month or so. Big mistake!
After that first month, we really struggled to try to get her to sleep in her own room again, which she was doing before we moved. Of course, she wasn’t sleeping in her own bed. She would often times wake up, start crying, and then come to her door, which she couldn’t open at the time. Eventually, she would just curl up and sleep behind her door.
At the new house, however, it wasn’t as easy. Her new room does not have carpet. There is a really nice wooden floor… which can be cold… and the gap between the floor and the bottom of her bedroom door is a good inch or more. So, she can lay on the floor, and stare into our bedroom. She would not sleep. In fact, she got herself so worked up a couple of times that she would throw up on her floor. It was a disaster.
We gave in — because that’s what tired parents do — and let her sleep on the floor in our room. After Thanksgiving, we decided it was time to start trying to get her to fall asleep in her own room again. It was a rough start. Many nights, there have been tears, shrieks and major headaches. She has been doing some of that as well.
I have noticed, however, that we have now established a pattern for bedtime, which I would love to share with you today.
Stage 1: Pregame
The Pregame Stage is all about actually getting her convinced that it is time for bed. Recently, we have been trying to do a better job of just having the television off entirely after dinner. It gives us a greater opportunity to just play together for the night, which hopefully leads to more tired children. It doesn’t always work.
The other night, I told her it was time to go to bed. She shrieked in her best demon-possessed voice, stood up from the floor, and started to run away. At which point, I referred to her as “Legion” referencing the story of the man possessed by demons found in both Mark 5 and Luke 8. Obviously, I was kidding, but there are times when one has to wonder…
Stage 2: Bedtime Routine
Before going to bed, it is important to make sure that bladders/bowels are emptied (she is recently potty trained, but the last thing I want to do is change and wash sheets at 3:00 AM). After her evening evacuations, we wash hands, brush teeth, and pick out pajamas. This should not be difficult. Should not be, but at this point, who knows what is going to happen.
The same night that she gave her demon-possessed shriek, she also managed to run right past me, completely naked, as I was getting her toothbrush ready. She ran down the hall, into the the living room where my wife was watching a show. During this sprint to escape the inevitable, she is shrieking “No! No! No!” She runs through the dining room, past the kitchen, and then opens up the garage door and steps right in.
It’s a cold night. Probably in the 20’s outside. Our garage is not really heated. And so, she’s standing on the cold, concrete slab in the garage, which is probably only about 45 degrees itself, completely naked, thinking that she is going to get out of going to bed. She did not.
Stage 3: Stalling
The next stage of the evening is the stalling stage. At this point, there are several items that suddenly become very important to do… again.
All of the fighting going to bed has made her incredibly parched, and so, she must, MUST, have a drink right away. And, of course, because she just downed an entire gallon of water, she has to pee again, which is funny because she didn’t have to pee just a short while ago. (One time, she told me she didn’t have to pee… while she was on the toilet peeing.) And, since she is up using the bathroom again, it then becomes very important for her to go say good night to her mother.
That paragraph seems to unfold in such a way every. single. night.
At this point, the stalling stage bleeds into the next stage of the bedtime routine.
Stage 4: Sitting Still
The Sitting Still stage comes at a time when she is still stalling, but can’t think of any more reasons that would cause her to leave her room. She has given up hope of leaving her room for the night, but still believes there is a way to continue to justify having her eyes open.
Often, the Sitting Still stage can take the appearance of very sweet things. She needs to get up to find a book for me to read. I finished reading the book, so she needs to find another.
She wants to cuddle, so I let her sit on my lap while I’m reading, but she won’t take her hand off the book. She won’t let me finish reading a page. She adjusts so that her hair is in my face. She tosses and turns, turns and tosses, then does it all over again. Then she needs another drink. She’s not the only one.
Stage 5: Stop Talking
As Stage 4 begins to wind down, the talking has not. She has given up on moving around. She is now physically tired, but she is still mentally running around the room.
This is really a verbal form of the previous stage. While she is too tired physically to continue at the pace she was going, she is not yet ready to close her eyes. Because she knows… She knows that if she just stops talking and closes her eyes, she will fall asleep. That goes completely against her programming.
One night recently, I asked her if she wanted me to tell her a story. She did. She was very excited about hearing a story. I was interested in what kind of story I was going to make up — because even I had no idea. So, as I started to tell her the story, she was laying on me with her head on my shoulder as I sat in the chair in her room.
I was rubbing her back, which usually helps her calm down and get ready to sleep. Only, I apparently underestimated how interested she would be in my (lack of) storytelling ability. Every sentence, she had to ask about another character that hadn’t quite worked him/herself into my story yet. She wouldn’t stop until I introduced a character for every living creature in our home.
Finally, I gave up on the story, and we entered into the final stage of our bedtime routine.
Stage 6: Out Like a Light
She goes to lay down on her bed — after some convincing, still in the talking stage. I have to tell her, repeatedly, to stop talking, as we listen to some music. And then, all of the sudden, she’s quiet. Finally, she is asleep.
This whole process usually takes about an hour. It is a very frustrating hour, and by the end of it, I’m worn out and ready to go to bed myself.
We’re still in the process of transitioning her to sleeping in her room all night, but at least now when she comes into our room, she just lays down on the floor and goes to sleep.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It is a wild ride, full of bargaining, bribing, and arguing with tiny female versions of yourself on the importance of wiping herself after she pees.
It’s also the best thing in the world.
As frustrating and exhausting as it can be, nothing is better than being a parent.
