Not All Masculinity is Toxic
In case you missed… the internet… over the last couple of days, Gillette released a commercial that has drawn a fair amount of both ire from all kinds of directions. You can check it out on YouTube if you have a couple minutes.
Summary
If you don’t want to watch it, here’s the quick summary: It opens with voices talking about bullying, the #MeToo movement against sexual harassment and toxic masculinity.
The voiceover starts out with a rather pessimistic view saying things like, “it’s been going on for far too long” and “boys will be boys”. But then there is a change, a recognition that something is happening in our society, and we have reached a point of no return.
With a backdrop of scenes like a group of boys chasing an obviously scared boy, two kids fighting at a backyard cookout, and men bothering young ladies who obviously have no interest, the voiceover continues, “Because we believe in the best in men… to say the right thing… to act the right way.”
And then it reminds us that the “boys watching today will be the men of tomorrow.”
The commercial closes with the words “it’s only by challenging ourselves to do more that we can get closer to our best”.
The Response
The first time I watched it, I thought it was a great commercial. Then I heard about the backlash that people were throwing out there. People were upset that it branded men as weak, or predators, or it was speaking out against men being men.
Some complained about it pushing a feminist agenda to de-masculinized the male population. Others started talking about how they would never buy another Gillette product again; they were going to start a boycott and throw away all their Gillette products. They didn’t want to be lectured by a razor company, and Gillette should just stick to selling razors.
And I wondered to myself, “Did we just watch the same commercial?”
So, I watched it again. The second time I watched it, I thought it was inspiring, and all the negative backlash against the ad and the company served only to highlight the problem that Gillette is bringing to the forefront in the first place.
Toxic Masculinity
Here’s the thing: if you aren’t engaged in, or condone/encourage, the type of behaviors mentioned in this ad, then there is no reason to be offended by it. It is entirely possible to display a type of masculinity that is not toxic.
People get so triggered these days about “toxic masculinity” without even thinking about what it means in the first place. The only relation that toxic masculinity has with all men in general is the fact that the second part of the phrase is “masculinity”.
However, look at the behaviors that are being called out in the ad: bullying and sexual harassment are front and center. In other words, “toxic masculinity” in this particular advertisement has more to do with how men are being jerks to other people.
Being a male does not mean that you automatically have toxic tendencies, either. In case you didn’t notice, the people who are preventing the bad behaviors on display in this advertisement are also men. Frankly, I think we can make a pretty solid case that these are more “manly” men than those that the commercial is calling out in the first place. AND THAT’S THE POINT!!!!
Accountability
Actor Terry Crews is highlighted in the commercial as well. There’s a clip of him saying, “We need to hold other men accountable.” And he is absolutely correct.
The #MeToo movement is making serious strides in social media circles, and it has broken through to the general population as well. It has encouraged those who have faced harassment on some level to come forward and share their stories.
Let’s not write this off too easily. For decades, women have had to take a backseat in the workplace, at school, even in their own homes at times, because an accusation may damage a man’s reputation. Because of this cultural pressure to placate man’s delicate sensibilities, women have endured a lot. Too much. And they have started to say, “Enough.” Good. For. Them.
Harassment Has to Stop
Nobody should have to just put up with somebody harassing them. It’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. During the Kavanaugh hearings, this was a big part of our national conversation. People were saying that just anybody can make an accusation against a man and ruin his life. But the statistics don’t bear this out.
In fact, only about 230 out of 1,000 sexual assaults get reported to the police. When it is all said and done, only about 5 end up serving time in prison (read this report for more statistics). That’s right, 995 out of 1,000 sexual assaults go unpunished.
When it comes to sexual harassment, some estimate that as many as 94% of employees who are sexually harassed do not file a complaint (read here and here for more on that).
If you are okay with these statistics, then you were probably pretty upset about the Gillette ad that encourages men to be better than they have been in the past. If you are not okay with them, then, chances are, you are not the one getting called out for your toxic behavior.
Be Better
I did something this year that I haven’t done before. At the beginning of the year, I thought long and hard about what I wanted to be different in 2019 for my life. As I thought about it, one phrase came to my mind: be better.
Let’s be clear about something here: I don’t see myself as a piece of shit who has a long way to go. But I want to be a better person. I want to hold myself accountable to do things that will improve my life, improve the lives of my wife and my children, improve who I am as a follower of Jesus Christ, and as a pastor. I’m not a terrible person. I just want to be better.
This is exactly what Gillette is calling men to do. Be better. Don’t be upset and bitter because a razor company wants to encourage its target audience to be better people.
Essentially, this ad is telling men that it’s not okay to be jerks. It’s not okay to look at women as objects, and especially not to treat them like one. It’s not okay to pick on people. It’s not okay to bully that scrawny kid at school. Be better.
So, thank you, Gillette, for calling our collective attention to a conversation that needs to be had. And, fellas, if you aren’t engaging in behavior that causes you to act like a jerk towards other people… guess what? This ad isn’t talking about you. Congratulations!
